Adam’s Shopping Adventures: The Snarkening

Today I had an adventure – a shopping adventure. A shopping adventure on a day when I woke up on the utter and absolute salty side of the bed. I imagined facing down crowds of people acting like they were auditioning for membership in the Wild Hunt. This amid frantic emails and texts to try and get a few last (first) desperate insights on what people on my list might actually enjoy. Naturally, the first stop on my shopping junket was Princess Auto aka a store for “Real Men,” who like car things, gun things, and product branding that always affirms the mightiness of one’s penis.

But as I pulled my Mazda into a parking lot filled to bursting with Ford Land Raiders, one of which was equipped with a pair of truck nuts, I decided to do what I do best: I would bring joy to the world through the fine art of the piss take.

What follows is Adam’s history in a store for Real Men.

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