Adios, Cowboy – Arc 2 – Day 13

And so it came to pass that I caught a few breaks and managed to hit every writing goal that I set for myself on Thursday night. I have reviews drafted for episode 16 and 17. Once this production diary goes live, I am going to do a preliminary screening on episode 18.

Though I’ll allow myself a moment of pride for the effort, I’m still behind schedule compared to where I was when writing the first arc’s reviews. That doesn’t feel great. It evokes my mantra from grad school: you should be working.

If I had an hour to go to a VR arcade today, then I had the time to write another thousand words. If I had the time to watch a couple episodes of Voltron, I had the time to write up some notes on an episode of Bebop. Don’t even get me started about the novella whose threads are weaving themselves together in my head while going unwritten for a few weeks now.

I’ll tell the truth here, since I know that there are probably only four people that are going to read this production diary. Over the last couple of weeks everybody has needed everything from me. Personally, professionally, and in every space in between, I’ve had to wear so many masks and be so many things that it eroded at the bedrock of my time and energy. I would finish a ten-hour day followed by going to the gym and then find myself staring at the same article on the Guardian for twenty minutes. I have smiled. I have solved problems. I have tried to bury every counter-productive thought because they didn’t serve the people that needed me.

It’s funny how things change over such a short amount of time.

In June of 2016, I could barely walk.

In June of 2017, I hadn’t let go of being General Zod. The notion of people needing me sent me into a silent rage.

Now…now I slip into and out of the masquerade, only occasionally allowing myself the occasional indulgence like this.

Ah well. Onward and upward.